The Shopping Rage Syndrome
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In all fairness I have to say that working in sales is challenging-- I’ve been there. Having to live by the motto the customer is always right, can be demoralizing. To be a good salesperson you must posses an endless reservoir of patience. You learn to read people and know the difference between the person who wants to be left alone and the one who requires pampering. Many customers don’t really know what they want and lollygag around the store for hours before they leave without making a purchase. Some demand too much attention, wanting you to wait on them hand and foot--literally. They demand your undivided attention and expect you to follow them around like royalty carrying everything they fling in your direction, frequently taking great pleasure in reminding you that you are at their mercy. Others refuse to let you help them even if they are in desperate need of guidance. They insist on attempting to squeeze themselves into clothing that is clearly two sizes too small, and reject the notion that paisley and plaid were never a good idea and never will be. There are anorexic teenagers who stare at themselves in the dressing room mirror wearing a size 2 prom dress whining “I’m so fat!” and men who are trying to find a fantastic gift for their girlfriends but can only spent $20.00. Let us not forget the person who stands under the gigantic sign that reads “20% OFF ALL JEWELRY” and asks, “Is the jewelry on sale?” Many sarcastic responses may come to mind, but the fact remains that no matter how frustrating or misguided your customers are, you have to treat them like the special beings they imagine themselves to be, and give them reasons to come back.

I have a Modest Proposal: I think shopping malls should invest some time and money into this new threat to our national spending indulgences: Shopping Rage. We could all benefit from a Shopping Rage Detox Center. It would be located on the top floor of the mall. The S.R.D.C. would have natural light and excellent ventilation. It would have massage chairs, ice packs, a smoking section and counselors trained to listen and calm the rage. The S.R.D.C. would provide soundproof booths with punching bags where you could stop in for a few minutes, scream, and get out some aggression. Of course the vending machines would be filled with migraine pills, stress balls, earplugs, and a selection of strong liquors. Die Hard shoppers are really entitled to a “Shopping Rage Hotline”. At the first sign of rage, anyone could whip out their cell phone, dial 1-800-OUT-RAGE and instantly speak to an anger management care specialist at the S.R.D.C. Why not also have red shopping-rage phones strategically located throughout the halls and courts of Malls for those who don’t have cell phones? Or how about a shopping rage support group? A sponsor program might also be beneficial, so those who feel the rage is strong could stop at anytime at the S.R.D.C. either at the beginning of the shopping trip or any time they felt the rage escalating.

I would also propose investing in prevention, a way to avoid the onset of Shopping Rage. This could include shopping rage security staff, or S.R.S.S Their job would be to patrol the shopping battleground and give people citations for any behavior that could trigger the rage. For example, anyone caught holding up a line unnecessarily or arguing over the date on a coupon might get a $5.00 fine. A belligerent employee who becomes too aggressive to make a sale would get a $10.00 fine. All rage violators would have the choice of paying the fine, or appearing before the S.R.S.S board, which of course would be located in the S.R.D.C. F.Y.I - Discussion groups would be held weekly in the S.R.D.C for those whose rage is set off by acronyms.

In my modest opinion, the real solution to the shopping rage phenomenon would be alternative shopping--simply not patronizing shopping malls and chain stores! The instances of shopping rage seem to be much lower in small owner operated stores. It’s true; we’d have to put in a little more effort by going to more than one location to get all the items we need. And we’d end up spending a bit more, but perhaps this is a small price to pay for peace of mind and the knowledge that we’ve patronized an individual and not a big corporation. And think of all those S.R.S.S fines you’d save!