Ten Shopping Rage Indicators

1. The term “food court” gives you a gag reflex.
2. You always place a weapon in your pocket before heading to the mall.
3. All your shopping excursions include breathing exercises.
4. You are on a first name basis with the mall security staff.
5. The first thing you say to any employee that approaches you is "I'm not giving you my phone number or zip code. I don't want to hear about your specials, I have no intention of opening a store account, and don't put me on your damn mailing list!"
6. You have personalized checks with the words “don’t put me on your mailing list” printed on the top.
7. You threaten strangers if they give any indication of wanting to speak to the manager.
8. You are banned from half the stores in the mall.
9. There’s a flyer with a picture of you posted at the mall security office, and it reads “Approach with caution, especially during holidays”
10. The only thing that calms you down after you leave the mall is the knowledge that you squeezed super glue on the $20.00 bill you just handed to the impossibly perky girl at The Gap.